Excess and Greed

Good god I'm tired, and so glad that this weekend is over- in a way.

I haven't worked three days in a row for a long time.

I didn't think I'd blog about this weekend, since nothing blogworthy occurred until today.

I'll start with the student from my boyfriend's school.

It's funny... every time I get a patient from his school, I automatically wonder if he's been their teacher at any point in time. Nevermind that there's thousands of students at this school, and that the teachers don't get to teach all the students there....hehehe.

Anyhow, this girl came in for a Xanax overdose. Initially, the story I heard was this: she usually takes it, for whatever reason (didn't get a clear history on her myself), but today she claimed she didn't feel like they were taking effect; so she kept taking more and more and more...Until more became about 30 pills. I'm surprised she was still conscious and somewhat coherent...Though she couldn't stand and when she spoke you couldn't understand a word she was saying.

When I first started working at the hospital, every time an intentional overdose patient would come in, my reaction was rather hostile in that I'd think things like "oh god... so stupid... let's put the biggest needle in this patient we can so they'll remember that this experience was so horrible they'll never do it again". Now, however, I see these patients from a new angle.

Yes, some are just stupid... But alot of these kids are just crying out for help. That's all. It's sad that they choose such extremes to ask for it, but sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to be able to climb your way back to the top. Though I never went to such extremes, in a way I have been in their shoes so I understand a little better. At least I like to think I do, and perhaps it makes me a bit better equipped to handle patients like these when they roll in.

I still haven't figured out whether this was an act of sheer stupidity, apathy and wrecklessness, or indeed a cry for help...She wasn't being very open about why she did it at all. Some are more open than others. Whatever the motive, I have a theory as to why she may have done it.
In triage, the "boyfriend" (or so they said he was), was on the phone with someone else and at one point said "well... you know how you told me to be completely honest with her yesterday?"

Very nice guy, no doubt...But the minute you see him (and god I hate being stereotypical, but they exist for a reason), you immediately realize this guy is probably gay. Now, there's nothing wrong with that, but I have a feeling he may have come out to his girlfriend last night. This, in turn, threw the poor girl over the edge, causing her to intentionally ingest 30 Xanax pills...maybe to kill herself, maybe to scare him... who knows. I'm no social worker, and I'm sure there are alot of underlying issues that would cause her to deal with such devastating news in the way she did, but it's just a theory that crossed my mind.

Glad to report she's doing fine and currenly in the hospital for observation.

Now on to the slightly humorous tale of the weekend.

Later on today, I was in a 5 month old patient's room while the In-House Intensivist was speaking to the parents regarding test results and further procedures that had to be done on the child.

I remember thinking "holy jesus this doctor has only ONE thing on his mind." It's green, made of paper, and highly valued by our society...especially those who already have tons of it. Can you guess what it is? That's right. Good ol' money...

We ran a complete blood count on the baby, which would tell us the white blood cell (WBC) count. The highest normal value is 15,000 WBCs, and the baby had a value of 43,000. This is extremely high in all patients, but on such a small baby who has yet to develop an immune system to ward off attacks, it can be potentially fatal, as it is a sign of severe infection.

Anyhow, as the doctor was addressing the parents, explaining the cell count to them, etc... Every time he would mention the 43,000 WBCs, he would end up saying "43,000 dollars"... He did this about 10 or 12 times during the course of his visit to the room.

Patients nowadays (thanks to the amazingly horrible health system in this country) already walk in to a doctor's office, emergency room, or urgent care thinking that no doctor cares about patients as human beings anymore...Thinking that docs walk around with dollar signs in their eyes every time they treat a patient.....He sure made it seem that way today. I chuckled a bit inside, but honestly it's sad to see someone who treats children proving that greed takes precedence over compassion for many.

Career Builder

My boyfriend helped me make my very first resume today.

When I applied for the EMT position at the hospital, they never asked for a resume. I'm guessing that's because they figure that you're just one of the following things: 1. a state licensed, certified EMT, or 2. a nursing student. A resume isn't really going to determine your chances of getting hired for a job like that. There's no competition. Either you fit the criteria, or you don't. End of story.

Unfortunately, since I never needed a resume before, it wasn't a priority of mine to make one. These days, however, I'm finding the need to branch out, or at least aim for a job where I have more room for growth than the one I'm at now. Being an EMT is an important job with quite a large amount of responsibility, but it's completely dead end. No room for growth or advancement whatsoever, and that's sort of depressing. I suppose Homer Simpson would have enjoyed having a job like mine, judging from what he said during an episode where he worked at a Wal-Mart spoof store: "no room to move up in the company?? ALRIGHT!! No pressure!"
Ha.

I sort of thought along the same lines when I initially started that job. Yes, the job is very high pressure, but not in the context Homer Simpson was speaking of. I realize now that room for growth and opportunity for advancement in the workplace are very important for keeping you on your toes. Competition is a healthy thing, to a certain extent...You have a chance to shine, an opportunity to work through challenging scenarios, and I see that the same thing that happened to me with school is what happened to me at work-not being challenged, no motivation.
During my yearly evaluation a couple of months ago, my supervisor said she noticed I'd "lost my spark" about my job...I knew then that she may be right, but now I definitely know she hit the nail on the head by saying that. She asked if there was anything she could do to "help me get it back", but I said nothing precisely because it's a dead end job. I wish there was something she could do to fix it.

I wouldn't change the last four years of work experience for the world. I can't believe I've carried such an enormous responsibility on my back at such a young age. Saving lives. Wow. Not many people get to look back on their youth and say that...and I do see how special it is. I've learned so much...I've been rewarded in ways some people will never experience...
I'm forever grateful.

And while I still haven't got it quite figured out, as far as what I want to do with my life in the "long run" (whatever that means), having this job kept me from wasting my time on a Nursing degree. Sure, it pays well, but I know I couldn't keep doing what I do for the rest of my life. It's taken a toll on me in ways you can't even imagine. By the time I turn 30 I'd be completely burned out.

So, these days I'm feeling the need to end this chapter of my life.

I began by putting my resume up on CareerBuilder.com earlier today. Not much of a start, I know... but hey, it's something.

Exhaustion

I worked this weekend, and my god, it was the most exhausting couple of days I've had in a long time. I discovered that this exhaustion makes my body break down (as I imagine it does to most people), physically, mentionally, and emotionally. After two consecutive 12 hour shifts, I feel the beginnings of a flu. My throat hurt this morning, and my arm and back muscles are sore. Was the human body really meant to work 12 hour days? I know alot of people do it, but I suppose that when you're not accustomed to doing it consecutively, your body goes into shock. My mind feels woozy, and yesterday night I was so sensitive that I cried for quite a while. I'm normally a sensitive girl, but yesterday was out of character, even for me. It's strange how everything in your life affects everything else in your life, even if you're referring to unrelated things. I wonder if that makes any sense.

Saturday we were short staffed, down one nurse, one tech, and one secretary. I wonder if there are weekends when civilians all gather together and decide they're all going to show up at the ER at the same time. HA. Because that's what happened this weekend. At the end of my shift on Saturday, I thought to myself, "tomorrow HAS to be better... what a ridiculously busy day this was..."

Lesson learned: NEVER think that way.

Sunday I showed up to work and we were even more short staffed than the day before. Down two nurses, one tech, and one secretary. No rooms upstairs for admitted patients, which temporarily turned us into a holding area. To top it off, the attending doctor was one of those docs who's so afraid of getting sued that he'll order EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN on every patient... Come in for a stubbed toe, and he'll order the expected xray PLUS blood draws, CT Scans, throat cultures, etc. You get my point. While this may come across as thorough examination, please keep in mind that we work in an EMERGENCY ROOM. Not a clinic, not a doctor's office. You take care of the problem, discharge the patient, and call the next one in. His work ethic is especially problematic when we have crazy busy days like we did on Sunday. He backs up the entire ER and we end up with a full house and about 25-3o patients waiting to be seen (who ultimately end up waiting 8,10, 12 hours to be seen. Unacceptable).


I'm thankful that I was able to destress after work on both days. On Saturday, my boyfriend and I picked out books to put up for sale on either amazon.com or half.com from his warehouse... What a cool place that is. It's got an air about it. Then on Sunday I picked up some subs and ice cream cake to bring to his place, ate and watched a bit of TV, then laid out on the hammock in his yard. It was a beautiful night filled with good conversation and the even better company.

Enjoying the outdoors makes me wanna go camping.

Ordinary Day

Work was rather uneventful today. We only got one patient via Fire Rescue, a 2 year old febrile seizure patient. I'm sure she'll be fine. Febrile seizures are very dangerous at the moment the child is having them, but they're not a chronic condition as they are with epilepsy. They only happen if the child spikes fever (meaning the temperature goes up more rapidly than when people usually get fever).

I had to go get my blood drawn at the Employee Health Office again. That's the price I have to pay for having gotten stuck with a dirty needle in January. There's nothing wrong with the kid, but unfortunately I have to get my blood drawn every three months for the next year anyway, as per hospital policy. Good thing I don't suffer from needle phobia. The guy who drew my blood is awesome at it. My veins usually bruise, no matter how easy the actual blood draw is, but I just glanced over at my arm and it's spotless. Good job, health office blood drawing man.

I was having a conversation with a fellow coworker about how we need an additional source of income for the summer. We're both part time EMTs in our department, and usually I could just count on picking up at least one extra shift per week. Unfortunately (for me...fortunate for the department), we're so well staffed that I can't even pick up any shifts, unless there's a callout (in which case they'll call me in when I'm likely to already have plans for my day).

Frankly, the situation has me depressed. Although money is the main reason I need another job, I'm scared I'll have way too much free time on my hands. Right now, the balance between work, school, and free time couldn't be better. It's almost perfect. Once you take school away from the equation, that just leaves 2 days of work. Five days free. So, I need another job. I'm trying to become financially responsible for once in my life. I've made alot of mistakes, and I'm paying a heavy price. Frivolous, unncessary credit card bills haunt me every month; and what's worse, I have my mother breathing down my neck for the money she let me borrow. Today it got ugly with her. I won't get into it though because it's probably not good for my health. I was accused of being ungrateful and unappreciative (which couldn't be further from the truth... but she misunderstands me), and I'm beginning to regret having asked her for help. I'd much rather owe money to a stranger than to my own mother. Another lesson learned.

So far my options for an additional summer job include:
-Starbucks (not only will I make money, I will SAVE all the money I usually use to buy coffee there)
-Substitute teaching (though I think all the WORST kids go to summer school... but it would be a good learning experience and help me to decide whether teaching is something I'd like to go into)

Additional ideas welcome.

Life Is Wonderful

I had such a great weekend.

I traded in my old corolla for a new one on Friday. I was having pangs of guilt (and stress as a result), but after some reassurance and driving around in it for a couple of days, I'm feeling better about my decision.

Saturday I got up for work, wishing I could stay home and sleep in. My bed felt so comfortable yesterday morning.

I had a surprisingly good day at work. It dragged a bit, but it didn't feel as stressful as it usually does. I guess it's because we didn't really have too many acute cases yesterday. It's always nice to get a break from that. The only strange thing was that I found an envelope in my mailbox at work from another hospital, notifying me that this employment transfer I'd SUPPOSEDLY applied for was being put on hold for the time being. What's strange about it is that I DIDNT ASK TO BE TRANSFERRED! I should call my supervisor and make sure there's no errors in the system, in case it affects something more serious. Odd.

After work I went to a birthday dinner with my boyfriend. It was nice. The wine was great. The company was great.

Today, he and I went to the zoo so I could finally start working on my Animal Cognition project. We found a fascinating feeding behavior taking place with some birds, and thus my project came to life! I WAS going to post a picture but my attempt was unsuccessful.

Google boat tailed grackles if you want to see 'em.

It was the most beautiful day today...Not a cloud in the sky... So we decided after the zoo to have a picnic in the park, followed by some time at the FIU library... Ahh... Life is good.